My ex has told me, “I told her she’d have to be okay with me hanging out with you. You’re one of my best friends. If she doesn’t like it she can go away.”
My good friend dropped by the office today to sign something for me. We talked about an upcoming second date of his. He said that we (he and I) should also hangout this coming Sunday. I said, “So long as your probably-future-girlfriend is okay with it.” Hesaid, “She’s going to have to be okay with our time together.”
Apparently I make a really good friend. I feel a sadness knowing this. Like, am I girlfriend worthy? Will I ever be? Maybe this is all back asswards. I should be happy that I make such a good friend. I know I should be.
I currently have three tattoos. Two are butterflies, one is the word “love” shaped into a heart. I really, really want more tattoos!! O.o I’m going to be the crazy old lady covered in tattoos. 🙂 (I’m not at all upset about this idea – obviously.)
So, I’ve been thinking about getting a bumblebee tattoo because my last name means bumblebee in German (now you all can go google that and find my last name). Haha. I’ve been googling and pinteresting bumblebees and tattoos of bumblebees. I only like a few of the tattoos I’ve seen.
Anyway, I am a lover of the Harry Potter books. Like, I am such a lover of Harry Potter that I
would am seriously considering getting a tattoo reflecting my love of Harry Potter. There are soooo many people who have already done so, too! Who knew?! I’m so jealous of their ink… the “I must not tell lies” in white ink on the back of their right hands, the symbol of the deathly hollows, the stars that are depicted in the books, Hedwig, Quidditch, quotes from Albus Dumbledore, “Mischief Managed” and “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good”… Oh my goodness… There’s so many wonderful ideas! They’re endless! I’ve caught (more of) the Harry Potter fever…
Btw, I’m currently on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Hey, this reminds me of what my ex said!
What’s the quickest way to end an engagement? This.
(click to enlarge)
Ordinarily, I’d say she was the jerk for looking through his phone. However, when your sneaking suspicion turns out to be right… then it’s just women’s intuition.
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The printer has been broken since Wednesday. I was barely in the office at all last week and did not know of the dilemma until Friday morning. I asked why no one (coworker and her intern) said anything to myself or our boss. We could’ve had it fixed in no time. Anyway, yesterday I called the repair people. They had to order a part. Today it’s up and running again.
While I have my printer at my disposal to complete my billing, etc., I have been daydreaming instead. I’ve been on Pinterest and YouTube. I’ve been looking up pregnancy pictures and watching pregnancy announcement videos.
Nope. I’m not pregnant.
I’m just dreaming about the day I find out that I am…
Knowing me, I’ll get pregnant accidentally on purpose so that I have a baby before I’m dead. (This melancholy thing is vicious towards my self-confidence.) I was thinking about how my parents would react. The videos I’ve watched feature couples sharing the “happy news”. In my foreseen situation, I would be making an announcement to my family in my parents’ home with happiness in my heart, dread in my stomach, and nervousness on my face. I would be ecstatic. But, my family would not be. They would be thoroughly disappointed.
For now I’ll daydream. Maybe sometime soon I can get serious about my accidental pregnancy.
I cried much of the night. The finality and resounding emptiness that was this amazing relationship crashed around me. I thought about how his lips were hers, not mine. How that boyish grin would be hers to wiggle out of him, not mine. How there’s a chance they’ll be far happier than we ever were – and we had been so happy, once.
I relived the night I ended us. The words, the tears, the regret, the heartache.
I knew this would happen. (Didn’t I?) We’ve both been dating-ish. My dating has been half-assed. I
don’t didn’t want to move forward. I wanted to believe that he’d want me back. I wanted to believe that he would always be mine.
So, per usual when I’m shattered, I’m looking for jobs elsewhere. Amarillo, Seattle, Mobile… anywhere but here. Anywhere far from here.
I will apply for the jobs knowing that I probably won’t be interviewed for the positions because there are so many other people who are much more qualified. I know that if I do get an interview, chances are that there will still be higher qualified candidates being interviewed.
Do I really want to leave?
RIght now, yes. I have nothing holding me here. But I don’t *want* to run away. Where will that get me? I’d be truly alone if I moved across the country. Here I do have some friends. I do have my ex, who is very insistent that we’ll always be friends, no matter where life takes us.