Monthly Archives: September 2012

Hazzards of Blogging.

One thing I always think about before I publish a post is who will be reading this blog.  My boyfriend reads my blog, my best friend, and some other people.  I generally post link to my blogs for my “close friends” on facebook.  The thing is, I was planning on writing about something, and I thought, “will people judge me?”  Why does that matter so much to me?!

In my diet blog I wrote about my bizzare night.  I left out the dream I had because I don’t think the dream had anything to do with the HCG side effects.  Maybe vivid dreams are a side effect though.  Who knows.  Doesn’t really matter.  I have weird dreams all the time.

So, I dreamt that I **almost** had sex with a man that was not my boyfriend.  I’m not sure what to make of that.  Here’s a recap of the dream (it is odd):

D (I know this guy in “real life”) and I are trying to infiltrate some kind of religious center to get the scoop on their crazy ideals (I’m watching too much True Blood).  We were imposing as supporters.  For some reason we hopped on D’s bicycle and were heading to a different building.  D had his shirt off and I was hanging on for dear life.  I kissed his back.  We get to the building and we were talking with various people (D had a shirt again).  We were being really sneaky and got down to some of the lower levels.  We were in this massively long hallway, which was desserted.  We heard someone coming so we quickly made our way into a side room.  D’s shirt was gone again.  He made a comment (I don’t know what it was) and my heart stopped.  I knew that he was going to kiss me and that if he did that that everything would continue to heat up and that eventually we’d be naked on the floor.  I abruptly woke up.

I believe that dreams are just that – dreams.  I don’t think that there are any “hidden meanings” behind the dreams.  I do not actually want to have sex with D.  There are many reasons for that.  The biggest reason is that I love my boyfriend very much and do not feel drawn (sexually) to other guys.  This dream kind of freaked me out though because I feel like I kinda cheated on my boyfriend even though I didn’t.  I did wake up desperately wanting my boyfriend here so that we could get all tangled up in the sheets this morning…   🙂

I hope my boyfriend has a good day today.  5 weeks until he’s home!  I’m so ready for him to be home…

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Responsibility.

Ugh.  I really, really need to clean the house.  And I do NOT want to do so!  I’m pouting and stamping my foot (figuratively) because I would much rather stay in bed.  My house is a disaster.  I have stuffing from a pillow all over the living room.  I need to deep clean the kitchen.  I really need to vacuum.  There are certain things that just must be done in order to maintain a healthy, happy home.

I also have to go over to BGF’s place to watch his kids so he can bring a chain link fence to my house.  He is replacing their fence and has graciously given us the old fence.  We really need a fenced-in area for the dogs.  I am so very grateful for the free fence… I do not want to go over there today.  I will end up getting stuck there for hours and I’d rather stay home.

I don’t feel great.  I’m sleepy.  I’m hungry.  I’m thirsty (I need to go buy water).  And I miss my boyfriend.  My motivation to keep the home in order has diminished greatly because frankly, what is the point when no one is here to see the house anyway?  That’s kind of how I feel about shaving as well.  What’s the point when no one is going to enjoy my smoothe legs anyway?

Anyway… As a responsible adult, I will go to BGF’s and graciously watch the kids.  I will stay for however long I’m needed.  Then I will (hopefully) come home and clean what needs cleaned…  **sigh**  Maybe I’ll take a nap first.

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Night and Day.

This is basically a continuation of yesterday’s blog.

So, yesterday my co-worker and I had to drive a bit of a distance to pick up three children in order to place them in a foster home.  We arrived at the designated meeting point about 3 minutes early.  The DHHR worker was at least 15 minutes late.  Go figure.

I can’t tell you how much my heart breaks for these three little ones.  Sometimes placements aren’t that difficult.  And I guess this placement wasn’t as difficult as just seeing the state of these kiddos.  First thing I noticed was the black eye of the 3 year old.  Then I noticed the big bumps and huge gash on the 2 year old’s head.  The little girl looked okay, but who knows.  The next thing I noticed was their stench.  These children smelled so terrible.  They were filty from head to toe and everywhere in between.  Snot and dried tears were caked on their little cheeks.  Their clothes were covered in dirt and who knows what else.  The doctor had said that they had bedbug bites, but to me the marks looked like a rash.

So, my coworker and I arrived back to the office around 730pm.  The foster mom and her mother were there already.  Foster dad was too good to come get the kids, I guess.

Side note: foster parents can be just as infuriating as birth parents.

We get the kids unloaded from our vehicle and the foster mom is like “we don’t have the car seats in yet.”  I go inside with the children to change their diapers.  All three were soaked and one had a poopy diaper.  Their clothes just — **shudder**.  So gross.  The foster mom FINALLY decided to start getting the car seats situated.  My coworker and I had to help her.  And of course rain started pouring down.  By the time everything was all said and done, my coworker and I were soaked, felt dirty, were dirty, and were exhausted.

I got home around 9pm.  I took a hot shower.  I’d like to say I went straight to bed (because that is what I really wanted to do).  After I got PJs on, my roommate and her boyfriend arrived home.  My roommate told me that a man came to the house asking about one of our vehicles.  He said that he’s been “checking it out” and that he’s been “looking around” the place.  CREEPED OUT!  So, I immediately call my boyfriend and tell him.  The guy left his number, but I couldn’t make out the last 4 digits.  I’m tempted to tell the police about the situation…  I locked the doors last night…

Today I got to work, brought my other coworker up to speed on the new children’s case because she will be their social worker.  I then went to do a home visit.  I swung by my house (which really is not at all “on the way”) before heading back to the office.  I got lost because I had never been that way home before and then I got stuck waiting for a train and I had to pee so bad because I had drank an extra large coffee from Sheetz and and and… Oh my goodness.  I just wanted to stay home and sleep!

Instead, I came back to the office and then went Wal-Mart shopping for the office.  Then me and three of my coworkers sat around talking about various families and their ability or lack thereof to be good parents…  I’ve been in the office for a total of 3 hours today at most.  I did manage to finish writing a home study (yay).

I’m going home now.  I may make myself an adult beverage.  Or I may just call it a night and go to bed…

Good day.

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Last Minute Referral.

Earlier today we received a referral and because of various things that I can’t exactly detail here, we just found out that we are in fact placing the sibling group tonight. I am not the on-call worker but I am helping with the placement – three children are a lot to handle by oneself.

I’m meeting my coworker at a park ‘n’ ride at 530pm (now). My first thought was, how am I going to walk my dogs? I thought that maybe I could make it home and to the meeting point before the arranged time. But then I got stuck in traffic and realized I would never make it home, walk the dogs, AND be back to the park ‘n’ ride by 530pm. So I called BGF. He agreed to take them out. THANKS!! And then my roommate text me and told me she had just gotten home. So, I asked her to take the dogs out (she agreed). THANKS! I have some pretty awesome people in my life…

So now I’m at the park ‘n’ ride waiting for my coworker to show up. Maybe I did have time to make it home and back…? Oh well. I’m just glad I’m here, on time.

Once we get to where the kids are the real fun will begin.

Oh, there’s my co-worker.

Good day!

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Hearing and Nosebleeds.

My two big health issues pertain to hearing and nosebleeds.

When I was a young child (I really wanted to say warthog instead of child), I was constantly developing ear infections.  I remember late night ER visits and lots of antibiotics.  I had tubes placed in my ears twice when I was little and I had my adnoids removed.  I have never understood why my tonsils were never removed.  Anyway, a few years ago my infections started coming back.  When I was 25 I had to get tubes put in my ears again (much to the joking of my dad).  Since having the tubes placed in my ears, they have fallen out.  They usually stay put for about 2 years.  Unfortunately, my left (?) ear has a permanent perforation.  Both of my eardrums are severly scarred from the multitude of ear infections.  My doctor threatened a mastiodectomy, which is the removal of the mastoid bone in the ear, which could lead to complete or partial hearing loss.  I already have problems with hearing.  I would be devastated to lose more hearing or all of my hearing.

I hear better out of my right ear than my left.  And I can’t hear very low tones very well.  Some pitches really irritate my ears.

Nosebleeds are so frequent that my doctor is always asking if someone in the family has a bleeding disorder.  Nope.  I just have a weird nose.  Actually, I have a membrane in my right nostril that needs cauterized (burned).  I don’t want to be burned.  Some days, I think that the pain might be worth the end result of fewer nosebleeds.  I go through periods where I have nosebleeds daily, then I’ll go several weeks without one.  Nosebleeds are brought about by excessive sneezing, blowing my nose, and I’m not sure what else.  Sometimes I’ll just be sitting at my desk and I have to quickly reach for a tissue or face the ceiling so I don’t bleed all over myself.  I can (almost) always feel the nosebleeds coming on.  I really dislike nosebleeds when I’m driving.

I generally judge the “badness” of a nosebleed by the amount of tissues I have to use in order for it to cease.  For example, yesterday’s nosebleed took about 5 tissues.  That was a good-sized nosebleed.  Sometimes I don’t really need a tissue because it was that small.  I once told my boyfriend that I may die by the hands of a particularly nasty nosebleed someday.

Why am I sharing my hearing and nosebleed woes? I don’t know.  They’ve been on my mind today since I have a student who talks very low and I can barely hear what he says to me (and he always comes up after class for some extra clarification about something I talked about) and then I had that nosebleed yesterday.  **shrugs**  I guess that’s why I’m sharing this.

Good day.

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Referrals.

As you know by now, I am a Foster Care Social Worker.  Today I was hoping to leave work around 10 minutes ago (4PM).  Instead, we received a referral and now I have to play phone tag and the waiting game.

Part of my duties and responsibilities at my agency include teaching a class that prepares people to become foster and adoptive parents.  During this class we discuss many things such as teamwork, attachment, discipline, loss and grief, family relationships, planning for change, and a multitude of other necessary components of foster care and adoption.  When I discuss the referral process I state something like this:

The DHHR calls us with a referral.  We ask many questions about the child or sibling group in order to know as much as possible about the situation before contacting our families about the referral.  We ask questions regarding behaviors, education, medical needs, abuse and neglect history, placement history, and reunification plans.  If the child has been in the system for a long time or if the DHHR has been involved with family in order to prevent a foster care placement, chances are that we will know a good bit about the child or sibling group.  However, there are many times when we receive very limited information about the situation.  Sometimes we only know the age and race of the children.  So, when we call you with a referral, we will pass on whatever details we have gathered.  If I state “that is all I know,” that means that I have no further information about the children.

So, today I called a family and said something like, “we have a 21 month old Caucasian boy, [name], who is developmentally delayed.  I’m not sure what ‘developmentally delayed’ means in this situation because the worker didn’t know what kind of delays the child has.  Also, mom is incarcerated, but the worker didn’t know what for.  Dad is MIA.  The boyfriend is very violent towards the mother and baby.  This is all I know.”  Thankfully this family has been through the process enough times to know not to ask, “what developmental delays does the child have? Does he have any behaviors we should know about? What is mom incarcerated for? Where’s the biological father?” etc.

I remember making a referral where I literally knew that there was a boy and a girl and one of them was 1 and the other 2, but I didn’t know which was which (the person who gave me the referral was not the case worker for the children).  That was ALL I knew.  That parent asked me a thousand questions.  I just kept saying, “I don’t have any more information.”

Also, during the classes I teach I stress that we never know all of the information.  We may be told that the child has been neglected, but we may not find out that the child was also sexually abused until 6 months down the road.  Why?  Because a child needs to be know that he/she is in a safe home before confiding such a terrible secret.  We stress the importance of nurturing and loving children.  We stress that positive attention is needed in these children’s lives because the majority of the children in foster care or in need of adoption have a history of abuse and/or neglect.  We have one foster father who really irritates me because I always feel that he is focusing on all the “bad” the child is doing.  I am sure to praise the child for small achievements like a C on a test or a day of no fighting.  Children crave and need praise for the little things so that they know they can do better things.  If they know that they aren’t always bad and that they can do well, then (generally) they act better.

I love the kids I work with.

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Cramps and Other Girly Stuff.

Periods

  • I hate them.
  • Cramps suck butt.
  • Can’t I call off work for excessive bleeding?
  • Is anyone actually “regular”?
  • I want a sandwich.  More like, I want a gooey grilled cheese sandwich.  And dark chocolate.

Make-up

  • I don’t really wear make-up.  Except chap stick, and that doesn’t really count.
  • I don’t have any interest in waking up earlier than necessary to put on make-up.
  • Is that weird?
  • I will put a little eye shadow, maybe some blush, and lipstick on if I have a special event such as a wedding.  But usually not.

Fashion

  • I’m clueless when it comes to what is “in”.
  • I like t-shirts and jeans.  Not necessarily printed tees, or like the over-sized tees, but (imo) cute tops.  And you can never go wrong with jeans.
  • Flip flops are a passion of mine.
  • I love heels.  My dog chewed up most of my heels.  I need new heels.
  • I like dresses, but my boobs don’t look write in most dresses.

As far as girly stuff goes, I’m pretty clueless.  But that’s ok.  My boyfriend’s plaid PJs go well with my heart-clad PJs.  😉

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More Options

Wow. I can post from my BlackBerry. I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing. Haha. Right now, posting from my BB is kind of silly since I’m sitting at my desk, in front of my computer. I think this app will come in handy. Especially during really boring, long, or infuriating work meetings. Or during exceptionally awesome moments.

🙂

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Job Searching.

My close friends (and now you) know that I am unhappy in my current job.  I do love the kids with whom I work.  They make my job less frustrating.  I have no problem with the children.  I have problems with my boss, the slut of the office, and the parents (biological, foster, and adoptive).

After I completed everything I intended to complete yesterday at work, I spent time job searching.  I’m not sure how many jobs I applied to, but hopefully I’ll get a call for an interview sometime soon.

The question is: what do I want to be when I grow up?

The answer: I don’t have a freaking clue.

I completed my Master of Social Work degree because that seemed to be the next logical step in securing a career.  I have no idea what I’m good at though.  Some say I’m good at listening – does that mean I should be a counselor?  Some say that I am good with children – does that mean I should be a teacher, mentor, school counselor, work in child welfare?  Some say that I am creative – I do not think I am creative enough to be in any of the fields related to art.  I know I am good at interacting with people.  I do not want a customer-service-representative-type job.

I’ve applied to 12 jobs this month at USAJOBS.  That does not seem like that many, but that’s only one site.  I’ve applied to probably 6 other jobs through other websites over the last two weeks or so.  At USAJOBS I’ve applied to jobs with the following titles:

  • Psychology Aid & Technician – Tuscon, AZ
  • Psychology Technician – Oklahoma City, OK; Clarksburg, WV
  • Social Worker (Community Based Outreach Center) – Junction City, KS
  • Writer/Editer (Printed Media) – Alexandria, VA
  • Social Worker (Suicide Prevention) – Prescott, AZ
  • Social Worker (Veterans Justice Outreach Specialist) – Salt Lake City, UT
  • Social Worker (Inpatient – Med/Surg/PACT) – Fort Harrison, MT
  • Social Worker – Houston, TX
  • Social Worker (Inpatient Primary Care) – Fargo, ND
  • Contract Speactialist – Montgomery, AL; Prescott, AZ ; Newington, CT; West Haven, CT; Lexington, KY; Louisville, KY; Bedford, MA; Leeds, MA; Roxbury, MA; Manchester, NH; Providence, RI; Murfreesboro, TN; Big Spring, TX; Dallas, TX; San Antonio, TX; Temple, TX; Salt Lake City, UT; White River Junction, VT; Huntington, WV
  • Social Services Representative – Harlem, MT

 For the majority of these positions one must have an MSW and be licensed to independently practice social work at the master degree level.  I qualify for the basic stuff.  The problem is that there are a lot of people looking for jobs who have way more experience and expertise in the social work field than I do.

Of these, I would really like to be considered for either the Suicide Prevention Social Worker or the Psychology Aid & Technician (also has to do with Suicide Prevention).  I have a major interest in Suicide Prevention.  I wrote cover letters for those job applications.  When you apply online, generally, cover letters are not required.  Because I know that I will more than likely be surpassed by an individual with much more experience than I, I typically do not compose a cover letter as the online questionnaire is the basis for whether or not you are “qualified” candidate.

But, for the two jobs pertaining to suicide prevention, I wrote cover letters.  Maybe that will boost my chances…  Maybe because I took the time to write a quick note detailing my interest in the two positions I will get more than just a 3o second glance at my questionnaire responses.

So, why the interest in suicide prevention?  My best friend attempted suicide in high school.  That was so scary.  I’m so glad that she didn’t complete suicide.  In the United States, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death.  In my state (WV), suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in individuals ages 14-25.  My state’s suicide rate is HIGHER than the national average.  That is huge.

—–

Talking with my boyfriend.  I love him.  🙂

—–

Anyway, job searching.  Yup.

Good day.

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I’m Having a Monday.

I need (another) cup of coffee.  I have a feeling that if I walk back to the kitchen that the pot will be empty.  Today is Monday.  And today is proving to be a full-fledged Monday. 

Side thought: Do you ever wonder why a Monday is a Monday?  I mean, of course it’s a Monday.  It IS Monday.  I know when people say, “Today is such a Monday” they mean something like, “What a messed up day today is turning out to be.”  Sometimes on Thursday I say, “Feels like a Monday”.  And that isn’t because I feel like I just had a weekend, but more because I’m having a crappy day.

Therefore, today is a full-fledged Monday.  I’m glad I remembered to shower and get dressed.  I almost forgot breakfast.  Brought popcorn (?) for lunch…  I got to the office and the placed WREAKED.  The office has a sewer problem.  😐  I sit down at my desk and start working (imagine that – working before playing on the internet).  I forgot to address an envelope before sticking it in the outgoing mailbox.  Thankfully I was able to correct the mistake before the mail carrier (can’t I just say mail man? Why do I have to be so PC?  Our “mail carrier” is a man…) arrived.  I misspelled my name when filling out a document.  Thankfully said document is not that important.  No one acutally looks at it.  I just have to put it in every family’s file in order for the file to be declared “complete”.  And, I managed to hole punch and staple a document on the incorrect sides.

My boyfriend says I need to go back to bed.  I agree.

I feel like I’m being productive here at work today.  That’s a plus.  I’m almost done with my latest home study.  I’m so excited!  Haha.  Home studies usually take forever to complete.  I started this home study last week.  I love having people who actually fill out their part of the paperwork in a timely manner.  See Egotistical Boss? When families do their part, I can do mine.  Not my fault when things are late if the family hasn’t completed their paperwork.  I’m loving this family.  🙂

I don’t think I ever actually write about what I initially intended to write about.  Oh well.

Good day.

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