I was going to title this “Friend Complications” but decided that that title was too soft for how I feel about the whole situation.
Last Fall I introduced one of my best girlfriends (Friend) to another friend (Other Friend) of mine. Other Friend and I had a falling out that lasted two years. I don’t remember all the gory details other than she felt I was a hypocrite about something or other. I told her everyone is hypocritical in their own ways. People say and do things all the time that they don’t feel is right, moral, justified, etc. The definition (according to dictionary.com) of “hypocrite” is:
- a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
- a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.
My point to Other Friend was that at some point, everyone has hypocritical moments. I don’t remember what mine was (in her eyes), but I am human and I do make mistakes. Other Friend avoided me for over a year and we really didn’t hang out at all for nearly two years. She apparently “got over it” at some point.
Anyway, Friend and I met at church. She and I were kindred spirits. We were both kind of rebellious in our ways. We hit if off and became fast, good friends. Friend and I would hang out a lot together.
As I said, last Fall I introduced Friend and Other Friend. We had a little girls night at my apartment. Not too long after that, Friend was accusing me of saying and doing things that I had not done. And then I recalled all the bullshit Other Friend caused before. I remember her telling people things about me that weren’t true. I remember her telling me things about other people that weren’t true. Other Friend has a whirlwind of drama and chaos about her all the time. I have a really, really hard time tollerating Other Friend for much more than a dinner out at Applebee’s.
All that being said, Friend told me that “I had changed” and that I was “spreading rumors” about her. I would never do that to Friend. Being malicious is not my natural way of being. Somehow, Other Friend convinced Friend (yes, I am outright accusing Other Friend of treachery!) that I was a bad person, that I had spread rumors about Friend and that I was lying about Friend behind her back. Did Friend ever confront me about said rumors? Yes, eventually. She called me one night and told me we couldn’t be friends anymore (how juvenile does this sound?!) because of my boyfrined (what?!) and because I wasn’t the person she thought I was. I was so confused and hurt. I asked her why. She said that I was talking shit behind her back. I asked her what shit was said. She couldn’t answer me. The only thing I could think of was that Other Friend had caused this strife between me and Friend.
I didn’t want to tell my boyfriend my suspicions about Other Friend. See, Other Friend happens to be my boyfriend’s half-sister. She introduced us(this is one of the only good things she has ever truly done for me) October 28, 2011. 🙂 The story of my boyfriend and I is for another blog…
My boyfriend had the same suspicions as I did. He was angry with Other Friend and at Friend. He told me that if Friend couldn’t see past the bullshit, that maybe she wasn’t a true friend. And, if Friend would believe Other Friend (who Friend had knonw mere months) about said bullshit instead of me who she had known for years, then maybe Friend wasn’t quite mature herself.
I resigned to losing my dear friend because I could not foresee a way to change her mind. And I was also thinking that if Friend was so adament about letting go of the friendshp, that I should respect her wishes and move on. I miss Friend.
So…why am I sharing all this? I read a post by an acquaintance (and friend of Other Friend) about how Other Friend and Friend (although Friend might just have the same name as th eother person mention — as in, Other Friend and person with same name as Friend) are the best. I feel betrayed.
A few months back I ran in to Friend at the mall. That was so awkward! I want to start jabbering about the past six months about how everything was — but couldn’t say anything knowing she could didn’t want to be a part of my life.
Life goes on. I have yet to make a new close female friend in my neck of the woods since Friend left me in the dust. I don’t like getting too close to people…
I have work to do… Have an appointment with a family in 20 minutes. I should get ready.