Hazzards of Blogging.

One thing I always think about before I publish a post is who will be reading this blog.  My boyfriend reads my blog, my best friend, and some other people.  I generally post link to my blogs for my “close friends” on facebook.  The thing is, I was planning on writing about something, and I thought, “will people judge me?”  Why does that matter so much to me?!

In my diet blog I wrote about my bizzare night.  I left out the dream I had because I don’t think the dream had anything to do with the HCG side effects.  Maybe vivid dreams are a side effect though.  Who knows.  Doesn’t really matter.  I have weird dreams all the time.

So, I dreamt that I **almost** had sex with a man that was not my boyfriend.  I’m not sure what to make of that.  Here’s a recap of the dream (it is odd):

D (I know this guy in “real life”) and I are trying to infiltrate some kind of religious center to get the scoop on their crazy ideals (I’m watching too much True Blood).  We were imposing as supporters.  For some reason we hopped on D’s bicycle and were heading to a different building.  D had his shirt off and I was hanging on for dear life.  I kissed his back.  We get to the building and we were talking with various people (D had a shirt again).  We were being really sneaky and got down to some of the lower levels.  We were in this massively long hallway, which was desserted.  We heard someone coming so we quickly made our way into a side room.  D’s shirt was gone again.  He made a comment (I don’t know what it was) and my heart stopped.  I knew that he was going to kiss me and that if he did that that everything would continue to heat up and that eventually we’d be naked on the floor.  I abruptly woke up.

I believe that dreams are just that – dreams.  I don’t think that there are any “hidden meanings” behind the dreams.  I do not actually want to have sex with D.  There are many reasons for that.  The biggest reason is that I love my boyfriend very much and do not feel drawn (sexually) to other guys.  This dream kind of freaked me out though because I feel like I kinda cheated on my boyfriend even though I didn’t.  I did wake up desperately wanting my boyfriend here so that we could get all tangled up in the sheets this morning…   🙂

I hope my boyfriend has a good day today.  5 weeks until he’s home!  I’m so ready for him to be home…


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2 responses to “Hazzards of Blogging.

  1. Dove's Mom

    You know whqat my faorite part is? This line: “The biggest reason is that I love my boyfriend very much and do not feel drawn (sexually) to other guys.” THAT says a whole lot about how happy you are where you are in your relationship. Back when I was dating, sometimes there still were be moments where some cute or sweet classmate or another would be assigned in some same project group and deep somewhere I felt “Yay!” Not that any exes of mine will see this (I don’t think….?) But even if so, I imagine they had similar thoughts about other girls, and hopefully won’t be too hurt by that admission. Heck, most DID leave me for other girls or mess around on me in some capacity, so I’m pretty sure that in so, they had at least little feelings for others, so I hope they aren’t insecure or offended with my admitting to other tiny crushes while dating. I have a point, and I’m getting to it. Enter hubby. The minute I started being an item with him, on into marriage now, I’m like a horse with blinders on. I don’t wish anything with anyone else, I don’t have mini crush moments with anyone else, and I don’t wonder ‘what if.’ I don’t want anyone but hubby, and it strikes me that we must be just right if being with him has squalshed any trains of thought about elsewhere. When you said that line that I copied above, it made me smile becaue I feel the same way about hubby. Look at dreams this way: You have nightmares at times, right? I do. Heck, I dream of holocausts, terrorists, stillbirths, and bad, failing, frustrating situations in high school, and teeth rotting out a lot. Sometimes people die. I don’t WANT to have those dreams, and I don’t want or like those situations…neither in dreamland or real life. I didn’t desire or plan for those dreams. To say I had thoe dreams because I felt some inner fantasy or desire for the stuff of them would be abbhorant and untrue. I think the same goes for odd sexual dreams that make you think ‘Where did that come from?!?!” I don’t know what it came from, but it doesn’t necissarily reflect what you want or pine for or anything any more than a nightmare does. I like to hope hubby never dreams about sexual situations with other women, but when I think about it, I can’t say that I’d logically think it’s a reflection on his real hopes or thoughts (emotionally I might be irked, but I’ll chalk that up to my problem, not his). Anyway, I think your assertaition that you love your boyfriend so much that you’re not attracted to others is a big, big smiley thing right there, and I hope that if your boyfriend reads this, he really takes notice of those words and feels secure. As for the dream itself, dreams get weird and tke all sorts of weird tangents that don’t reflect us at all. If my dreams reflected me, I’d shutter to wonder who I was. It’s okay.

  2. Dove's Mom

    Oh, and one more thing (it’s me again)…
    The fact that the dream has you a little weirded out in the first place and your reaction to it is feeling disturbed and freaked out says a lot. The fact that it bothered you speaks volumes about how much you value your relationship, and you’re shaken by the thought of having about something else. You feel bad and insecure about it, and that means that what you have is deeply important and breaking that is a troubling thought. I hope your boyfrind notices that. 🙂

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