Actionable Love.

A couple of weeks ago I said, “I love you” just before getting off the phone with my boyfriend.  I didn’t mean to, really.  Isn’t that a problem?  Saying “I love you” should never be a mistake.  As humans we tend to get into a routine.  Some are good, some are bad, and some are neither.  When I said “I love you” to him, I did mean that I do love him, but I said the words out of habit and routine, not because I was feeling especially affectionate towards him at that time.  Of course the expression of love shouldn’t be limited to only when we’re happy.  Love is not merely a feeling.  Love is a verb, something that is actionable.  When I do laundry and dishes and vacuum and take the dog out every morning, that’s part of love.  That is me showing him that his environment is important to me.  When I let him sleep longer than I really think necessary, that is me showing him that his mental and physical well being is important to me.  When I drive him to work each morning and pick him up each evening (which adds an hour to my commute each way) because his car is a piece of crap, that is me showing him that I care about his financial stability.  All of these things I do for my boyfriend are extensions of the love I feel for him.

And in one month I will be moving out.  Why? Because his sister is coming back with her two kids and he needs to help her out for a few months while she gets on her feet.  And because we can’t “work on our shit” while we live together.  Those are his words.  This is why I think I’m moving out: He needs time/space to figure his shit out.  **sigh** While my friends around me continue to pop out babies and get married, I will move out.  I’m not sure how long I should give him to figure said shit out.  The only reason I’ve agreed to this cockamamie idea is because I love him and want to show him through this action that I support him and his need to do whatever it is he’s doing.  But, there’s definitely going to have to be some sort of time limit.  I can’t wait forever…  And that thought makes me very sad…

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