A crucial component of being able to trust is knowing the other person is telling the truth.
The whole reason my bf and I are in this fuckeduppernshit situation is because of deceit. Because my faith in his honesty was shaken, I now question everything that he tells me. Every night he goes outside and “talks with his sister”. Sometimes I know it’s legit because he’ll come back in and tell me about their conversation. Other times I really wonder if that’s what he’s doing. The times he’s out there for 2+ hours or the times he is vague about the conversation, I really find myself doubting what he is doing. Sure, he may be talking on the phone, but with whom?? I hate this sinking feeling.
I went out to smoke and he wasn’t there. I figured he was walking around talking… At that point he’d been gone for almost 2 hours. I came back in but couldn’t stay inside for long. I went back out and smoked again. When I got back inside, I sat down. Then I got up and peeked out of our window to see if he was sitting out front. Nope. So, I opened the front door to see what I could see. Nothing…
Why? What am I doing? Where is this going? How will we ever move forward if truth and trust cannot be established?
I need to cry. I need to pray. He and I need to talk.