Truth and Trust.

A crucial component of being able to trust is knowing the other person is telling the truth.

The whole reason my bf and I are in this fuckeduppernshit situation is because of deceit.  Because my faith in his honesty was shaken, I now question everything that he tells me.  Every night he goes outside and “talks with his sister”.  Sometimes I know it’s legit because he’ll come back in and tell me about their conversation.  Other times I really wonder if that’s what he’s doing.  The times he’s out there for 2+ hours or the times he is vague about the conversation, I really find myself doubting what he is doing.  Sure, he may be talking on the phone, but with whom??  I hate this sinking feeling.

I went out to smoke and he wasn’t there.  I figured he was walking around talking… At that point he’d been gone for almost 2 hours.  I came back in but couldn’t stay inside for long.  I went back out and smoked again.  When I got back inside, I sat down.  Then I got up and peeked out of our window to see if he was sitting out front.  Nope.  So, I opened the front door to see what I could see.  Nothing…

**sigh**

Why?  What am I doing?  Where is this going?  How will we ever move forward if truth and trust cannot be established?

I need to cry.  I need to pray.  He and I need to talk.

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