Tag Archives: BF

Living Arrangements.

What to do?!

I’ve talked at length with my landlady.  She herself is at a loss as to what to do.  She moved in to this townhouse thinking she’d be making commission with her job about last month.  Well now she probably won’t be making commission for another 3 months.  So, she can’t afford rent here and I can’t afford to pay (much) more than I already do.  That said, she has asked the landlord (see rent’s the place and I rent the basment-ish area) to sublease the unit.  So, now the place is up for rent again and neither of us know the next move.

  • If I get the job I interviewed for yesterday, I will be able to afford my own place.  🙂
  • If I don’t get the job, I need to find a different place (probably someone else’s basement) pronto.
  • If my roomy/housemate/landlady moves in with her bf, I need to find a different place to live pronto.
  • If she breaks up with her bf she might move back to her hometown and I will need to find a place pronto.
  • If she breaks up with or stays with her bf and they don’t move in together, we could find another place together with less rent/space.

Right now I like the last option best.

Did I mention (I know I didn’t) that my ex wants me to move back in with me?  So there’s that.  Apparently his sister is going to get them evicted and he can’t stand living with her and blah, blah, blah.  So he suggested we move in together if I get the job.  I said that he would have to understand that we would have to have a 2BR place with each of us splitting everything 50/50.  And I asked if he thought awkwardness would ensue if either of us started dating/sleeping with someone new.  His reply, “do you have a fuck buddy?”  Well, no, I said.  That’s not the point though.  I need him to understand that he’s not going to just waltz back into my bed and become my partner again just because we might live together.  He needs to prove that he can treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

So yeah.  How bout them apples?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the man.  I just feel this overwhelming need to protect my heart…

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Relating.

After visiting with my sister, brother-in-law, and brand new nephew in the hospital for a few hours, I met my parents, brother, and other nephew for dinner.  After dinner my mom and I went back to the hospital with my nephew so he could visit with his baby brother for a bit.  On the way there this conversation unfolded:

Mom: I’m seeing a counselor.
Me: Oh yeah? Why’s that?
Mom: Well, your dad and I are having problems.
Me: Ok.  Well, is the counseling helping? Are you both going?
Mom: No. Just me.  Well, your father has come twice.  I’m going more out of spite than anything.  I guess you can know what’s happening.
Me: Alright.
Mom: Your father found a friend from high school on Facebook.  They were messaging back and forth. (I’m sure if darkness hadn’t fallen that she would have seen the color drain from my face.)  Then he told her that she could email him on his work email!  I told him that I didn’t have a problem with them talking, but it should be on our joint email.
Me: Oh dear.
Mom: Yeah, so then I find out he’s been emailing her and texting with her and skyping with her.  You know his new phone?
Me: Yeah…
Mom: He got that so he could talk to her.
Me: What?!
Mom: I know.  He told me that if I had such a problem with it to get counseling.  So I am.
Me: I’m so sorry, Mom.
Mom: The worst part is is that he has admitted that they’ve been flirtatious and suggestive.
Me: What a (I wanted to say asshole or dick) jerk!
Mom: Yeah.  He told the counselor the first time that he came with me that he was like the guy in Proverbs that follows the harlot and not Wisdom.
Me: But he hasn’t changed anything, right?
Mom: He keeps saying they aren’t talking as much.
Me: I’m so sorry, Mom… I can completely relate.
Mom: Hmmm?
Me: That’s basically what bf did to me.
Mom: (I could hear the tears in her voice) Oh honey…

For the first time in my life I can completely relate to my mom.  I’ve always felt a disconnect because we had never had any experiences that were remotely similar.  I really want to give my dad a piece of my mind… To let him know that (ex) bf did the same thing to me and hurt his daughter so deeply.  How would you like that, Dad? Huh? How would it sound coming from your daughter that a man hurt her in the same way in which you’re hurting Mom? Fuck you, Dad.  You’re an asshole.

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Choices.

**A couple of weeks ago bf and I decided that yes, we would continue dating.  He also told me to not sit around waiting for him.  That if I became friends with someone and thought there might be something there, just let him know.  He won’t be mad.  He wants me to be happy.  So, we also decided that we would date, work on our shiz, but at the same time wouldn’t be exclusive – wait, or are we exclusive but we just keeping our options open, or …??**

I stayed with my bf over the weekend.  I’ve officially moved.  I signed up on ChristianMingle.com and eHarmony.com because I remember that he said something about not waiting around, but then I was confused because we’re exclusive, or something like that.  I felt guilty for signing up and I’ve just let the accounts sit there until I figure out what’s going on.  While he was at work yesterday (I swear I was not snooping) I found out that he has an OkCupid account.  I didn’t know if I should be mad about that.  I made dating site accounts.  But I thought this was just me that was keeping options open – wait, that doesn’t make sense either.  Oh my goodness.  So confused.  So, I decided to not be mad.  How could I be?  I did not click on the link (on his computer when you open a new tab it lists recent sites.  Mine used to do that until I did something funky and every time I open a window, google shows up. Whatever.).  I did not want to see when his account was made, or how many messages he had, or if he was meeting anyone, or etc., etc., etc.  Instead, I had a talk with my bf when he got home from work.

Me: So, I decided not to go to that interview tomorrow.
BF: Ok. Why?
Me: Well, if we’re going to be working on us, I should probably stay where I am for now.  I mean, I really like the job I have now and I have a good living situation.
BF: Might as well not mess up a good thing.
Me: Well, yeah.  But also, I think we really need to figure our shit out before I move back this way.
BF: Ok.
Me: I mean, well, are we exclusive?  I’m a little confused about that.  I mean, you said to not wait around, but we’re still together, and…
BF: Um…
Me: I’m just saying that I need more clearly defined lines.  I’m personally not comfortable with being exclusive or whatever and still dating around or something.  It has to be you and me 100% or…
BF: Just friends.
Me: Yeah.  I’m just having a hard time figuring out who we are.
BF: Well, we shouldn’t make that decision right now.
Me: I agree.  And I’m not trying to put a timeframe on this.  No pressure. Really.  I just don’t like grey areas like this.  You and me, or not.  So yeah…
BF: Ok.  I understand that.

I did such a good job not crying at all through that conversation.  My heart wants to be with him.  My brain is telling me to stand strong.  We both have choices to make, issues to think about, considerations to ponder…

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Family Feud.

I started writing and completely got off topic, so I am now starting over.

Over the weekend I did a lot of thinking about why people do the things they do to their families.  Here’s a summary of the situation regarding my bf’s family:

Bf’s Aunt D was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a little over a week ago.  Aunt D has two kids and three siblings, one full sibling and two half siblings.  Aunt D’s son has visited his mom once in the past 3 years, and that was to get money from her.  Aunt D’s half siblings did nothing to help her during her messy divorce.  Aunt D’s half brother has smoked himself stupid (def no disrespect here – he’s an awesome guy…just has no clue).  Aunt D’s half sister is the snobby, I’m-too-good-for-you type.  Aunt D’s full brother and his wife (bf’s parents) took Aunt D in during her divorce and she has lived there since that time.  She considers that her home.  The house happens to be a small, older trailer that sits at the bottom of a hill on her dad’s property.  When Aunt D was diagnosed with cancer, Aunt D’s kids got a lawyer to draw up papers to have Aunt D sign.  I’m guessing (but don’t know for sure) that the papers might have to do with power of attorney and perhaps inheritance.  That was their FIRST act.  Snobby and her husband took Aunt D from her home because “she can’t live in a place like this”.  ‘This’ being a trailer.  Granted, there was a mold issue in the trailer, but that was more Aunt D’s doing than anyone’s (she’s a bit of a hoarder and refused to clean her room – ever.  When they realized mold was growing, they cleaned everything and tried to get Aunt D to do the same, but she wouldn’t.  Now that Aunt D is gone they were able to empty her room [which held about the same amount of stuff I have in an apartment] and deep clean it with bleach.  No more mold issue.).  Aunt D’s daughter came and got her car over the weekend.

I don’t understand Aunt D’s kids or Snobby.  They decided a long time ago to basically write her off unless she presented some kind of advantage to them.  Her kids want her money.  Snobby wants to be the long-suffering saint.  Snobby is being all “woe is me” every chance she gets.  Aunt D was perfectly happy where she was.  There’s so much to this and I really don’t have time to put the entire story down…  I have just been completely flabbergasted (such a great word) at the actions of Aunt D’s family.  Bf’s parents have been so crushed by everything…  Snobby is screening Aunt D’s calls and won’t answer when bf’s parents call.  Snobby is blocking bf’s parents on fb.  Really?  Bf’s parents have been there for Aunt D like no one else in that family.  Snobby refuses to drive Aunt D to see her dad.  A feud has brewed for years.  That whole thing has just blown up and spewed everywhere.

Question: has Snobby or the kids even asked Aunt D what she wants?

Unfortunately the next time bf’s parents, Aunt D’s dad, bf, bf’s sister, etc. will see Aunt D will be at her funeral.  That makes me very sad for this family…  Bf’s parents have sorted through all of Aunt D’s belongings.  They have set aside things that they know she especially loves and would like to have. They’re hoping that Snobby and the kids will actually let Aunt D have them nearby.

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