I had a date last night. A first date with a tall man. Tall Guy and I met of OKC. We chatted via messaging for a couple of days and then we exchanged phone numbers. We texted and called each other, and yesterday morning Tall Guy asked, “Can I take you out to dinner tonight?” Um, pass up free food? “Of course!” I replied. Really though, I was excited.
I. Was. Excited.
All day long I was a happy person. I was really productive at work. I had an 11 1/2 hour work day and I didn’t even mind. My poor intern was having a horrid day with some personal issues. I would listen to her, and I would (try to) be compassionate. I was probably not a very good friend because of my cheeriness.
We were supposed to meet around 7pm at the restaurant I chose (I hate choosing). After I got back to my office, I quickly got into my car and headed to the restaurant. And then, out of nowhere, I started crying. I called my ex.
“I’m going on a date.”
“With the guy who’s been snipped.”
“I’ve been excited about it all day.”
Then why do you sound like you’ve been crying?
“Because it just hit me that it’s not you. I mean I knew it wasn’t going to be you. But I don’t want it to be him. I want you.”
I’m sorry dear.
“It’s like I’ve been happy all day long and now I’m not. We were supposd to get married in July and now I’m going on a first date.”
You’re going to be fine.
“I know. But I don’t want to be fine with anyone else. I’m just… I’m sad because this will never be you again.”
You never know. Maybe someday. Just not right now.
“But that’s just it. I can’t be waiting around for you to be ready. I have to move forward with my life. And that means I have a first date that I’m actually looking forward to and somehow that makes me sad.”
Yes you do. Don’t be sad. Stop crying. You’re going to look a mess for your date. Think of something that makes you mad about me so you can have a good time with him. I want you to be happy.
“Thanks for talking to me. I’m sorry I called you about this.”
Yeah, I was probably the worst person to talk to about it. But hey, we’ll always be friends. No matter what.
So, I cleaned up my face and met up with Tall Guy. We had good conversations. I didn’t feel that chemistry spark. But I am going to give Tall Guy a real chance. He really is a good guy.
That was a very bittersweet first date.