I’m at my ex’s. I’m mooching his internet/tv. I was looking around on Match. A 38-yr-old popped up. I was iffy as to whether or not I’d “like” him.
Ex: What do you have against 38-yr-olds?
Me: Nothing. I just, I don’t know.
Ex: I’m dating a 37-yr-old.
Ex: Yeah, that chick I’ve gone on two dates with.
Me: Are you guys dating dating? Like official?
Me: Why am I here then?
Ex: What do you mean?
Me: (Men are so thick.) Why am I here when you have a girlfriend?
Ex: You’re my friend. We’re hanging out.
Me: But. I don’t want her to not trust you. I don’t want to be a problem.
Ex: I told her you’re my best friend and that we’ll be hanging out.
Me: But would she really be okay with me staying the night? I mean, I know we’re not ‘doing’ anything, but still.
Ex: I told her we’d be hanging out and she has to be okay with that.
Okay, I get what he’s saying. I do. But I feel a bit ambushed. Like, what? You have a girlfriend? You have a girlfriend. And I’m hanging out with you. Watching basketball, walking the dog, talking shit about your boss…
She is out of town at a wedding…
I feel awkward now.
Why am I here?
Earlier this week a friend really punched my emotions in the stomach. This was part of the conversation:
“Is your ex going to help move you?”
“I don’t know. He’s being noncommittal right now.”
“At least he’s consistent.”
Ouch. That hurt.
That all said, this friend has been tremendous! He has let me use his garage to store all of my belongings until I can get into my new apartment. He has let me use his bed while I wait. And he has helped me move everything over in the last couple of days and will be helping me move it all into my apartment tomorrow. I have to say he’s a good friend. And he’s honest. And blunt.
This is the moving craziness:
Last week my landlady said, “hey we have to be out by the 1st”. I thought, holy crap that’s next weekend. Then she says, “I need you to have all of your stuff out by Thursday night.” WHAT?! I quickly found a new apartment to live in and then had to figure out what to do with my things from Thursday to Saturday. I have to say, my friend is amazing. He didn’t have to let me invade his space and home. I didn’t even ask. He volunteered.
As for my ex? He has a date tomorrow night and can’t help. What-the-fuck-ever. I need to let him go. I need to move on. This moving craziness needs to extend to my heart. As I move, move on.
Just let it all go. Try, try, try…
Heartbreak is a terrible thing.